I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you want to be well. You want to be happy. You want to be loved. You want to feel whole. You want to be seen.
I don’t know who’s out there feeling lost, feeling cruel, feeling bewildered at life or people or, more likely, yourself. I don’t know who’s out there dying their thousandth death this week, waiting out a sentence on earth, stuck in quicksand, in quick fixes, in a life of food and booze and belief in salvation that never chooses you.
No matter how desperate or lonely, how unloved or unloveable you feel. No matter how cast out from all that is human.
You want good things. You do.
You want safety and stability and a life with time for rest, with abundance rather than lack, more than enoughness without too muchness, sweetness, silliness, a nurtured planet, a just world, beauty and the freedom to not be beautiful.
You do. You want all these things. You want good things and I don’t need to meet you to know it. You want what we are all promised in childhood, the broken oaths we don’t remember hearing that haunt us like ghosts, forever trailing just behind us, only ever too lovely and too lonely, too crushingly beautiful and translucent. The love turned inside out, the ripe sweetness gone to seed, the phantom ache of a limb we’re not sure we ever had.
You want what we all want. These things, these bones. These holy prayers, these ancient texts, the sacred hieroglyphs written in our DNA. Our oldest memory. Our tenderest secret.
It doesn’t matter to me who you are or how you hurt, who you betrayed or who you will. Who you wish harm on, who wishes harm on you, if you answer those two questions with one name and whether it’s your own or your own turned inside out and called another.
Still you want to be well. Still you want to be happy. Still you deserve time to find how. Belief that it is always possible.
Whoever you are. No matter how lonely. However far you’ve landed from the truth. No matter how long it takes you to get back or even if you never do. Still it will be written indelibly in your own bones, the fossil of your past & the spine of your present.
There is nothing you can do to gain your worth. There is nothing you can do to lose it.
As you are.