Fatherhood can be a soft place.

Shout out this Father’s Day to all those who won’t see themselves or their stories on Hallmark cards or TV commercials. To all the people whose family story colors outside those lines.

Shout to the mothers who had to be both. To the moms, like mine, who survived sadistic men (not my dad) that were choking on their own misogyny. To the children who had to watch that, or who became targets too.

Shout out to the kids who grew up without dads. Who wish they grew up without dads because of who their dads were. To people of all genders who survive their fathers, and still work to love men. Still work to love others. Still work to love themselves.

Shout out to the men who survived fathers. Who don’t have a blueprint for how to parent, but learn anyway. To the men afraid to be dads because abuse is like alcoholism and they don’t want to pass it on. To the people who take the creation of another life that seriously. As serious as it is.

Shout out to the dog dads, like my brother. To the men who don’t want or can’t have biological children, but nurture lives anyway. To the men who might want kids, but their partner doesn’t. Who respect the autonomy of the one they love. Who know that a life is not something that anyone owes anyone.

Shout out to the kids whose dads didn’t show up for them.

Shout to the kids whose dads couldn’t. Shout out to the incarcerated dads. To the deported dads. The sick dads. The dads working 3 jobs. The dads separated by borders. The dads who can’t be there for their kids in the way they want to cause they’re too busy being there in the ways they have to, or in the only ways they are permitted.

Shout out to the gay dads. Shout out to the trans dads. Shout out to the ones who don’t fit into gender titles, who won’t see themselves reflected in words even though they see their love reflected in a child’s eyes.

Shout out to all those who help pick up the slack. Who show kids more love than their dads do. Shout out to the stepdads, the uncles, the siblings, the cousins, the grandparents. Shout out to my brothers, who tried to protect me in ways my father didn’t and should have.

Shout out to all those who father kids regardless of blood. Shout out to the teachers. Shout out to the sports coaches. To the neighbors. The friends’ parents. The guidance counselors. The community members.

Shout out to all those who nurture and support young lives. Who demonstrate that fatherhood can be a soft place, and that misogyny and masculinity are not one and the same. Who create new worlds through the revolutionary act of their loving.

Happy Fathers’ Day to all of you. We are blessed with your presence. You and your love matter. You deserve to hear that.